Waging Battle With My 4-Pound Yorkie

My dog, a little 4-pound Yorkshire Terrier, who prefers to remain anonymous, but for the sake of my sanity, we will call Mr. Schnapps, suffers from a rare form of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Mr. Schnapps is not depressed by any means, but various weather conditions affect him in other ways.

And that is why it is just a smidge before 5 AM here and I am on poop patrol. Mr. Schnapps was just out, but because it is a bit windy, he refused to do his business outside. He also has trouble when it is rainy, snowy, icy, etc. Mr. Schnapps always manages to do number one outdoors, no matter the weather, and for that, I am eternally grateful, but he is a bit more selective about what conditions he needs for an optimal number two experience.

I have tried setting up shelter outside for Mr. Schnapps, but this dog needs room for his poo ritual that I just can't accommodate. He circles to the left in ever-narrowing circles and then repeats the circles in the opposing direction. I'd estimate the circling portion of his routine can take close to 20 minutes and if anything should distract him (insects are especially fascinating), we must start the whole schpiel all over again.

Mr. Schnapps has learned, however, that he can forgo the circling and cut the process down to mere seconds if he uses the antique Turkish rug situated beneath the dining room table as home base. I'm sure he also appreciates the fact that the dining room is free of the weather conditions that hamper him outside, with no pesky distractions either.

And thus it becomes a battle of wills...which one of us will hold off longer. Mr. Schnapps keeps a watchful eye on me, waiting for the opportunity to do his business as soon as I give up and go back to bed.

 

Mega Millions Winning Numbers Reveal That I Can't Retire Just Yet

So obviously I was just warming up and now that the next drawing for Mega Millions will be for an estimated $476 MILLION, I am definitely going to win it on Friday. Yes folks, not a single ticket matched to pay out the already huge $363 million jackpot so the frenzy starts again!

Did you see the winning numbers? I caught the Mega number on my local news, but then after trying to access the Mega Millions website and my own state lottery site to see the full set of drawn numbers, and finding them both too busy to even get access, I headed off to slumber land. It was especially difficult since I had at least one line with the Mega number!

For those who missed it, the Mega Millions Winning Numbers for March 27^th were:

09 19 34 44 51 MEGA BALL 24 and BONUS MULTIPLIER = 3

I had all of the numbers...unfortunately, not all appeared on the same line. It looks like my retirement investment paid out a whopping $2 that I will reinvest in a couple of tickets for the next drawing.

It will be much more satisfying winning Friday's jackpot, which will pay out either $476 million over the course of the next 26 years or the winner (me!) can take a lump sum payment of $341 million. Not that the annual payments wouldn't be nice, but I would much prefer to have the money in hand as soon as possible, and figure that the interest I will earn on a well-invested chunk of it will more than make up for the loss of the $135 million for choosing the cash option.

It's going to be a long couple of days as I wait for the next drawing and continue work on my ultimate shopping list!

Hope You Bought Your Mega Millions Tickets!

Drawing tonight! Don't be too disappointed when you don't win.  I'm certain I have the winning numbers in my hot little hands!

Time to enjoy some "Dancing With The Stars" recap and results shows!!

Alicia Silverstone Proves She Needs Parenting Classes ASAP

Just when I think I am done ranting for the day, and doing my best to try and get into my personal Zen zone, I have to view the video posted by Alicia Silverstone of her feeding her 10-month-old son, Bear Blu (that should be popular in school), by chewing his food in her own mouth and then semi-spitting it into Bear's mouth. Alicia reports that Bear just goes crazy when he sees her eating anything and races over to “attack” her mouth to get a snack for himself.

This is just disgusting on so many levels...

The kid attacks her mouth. Dear Lord, the last time I heard or read such a reference was in a trashy Jackie Collins' book, and the action was performed between two consenting adults...not a 10-month-old and his mother.

Where did Alicia get the information that this practice would benefit her child in any way? The Audubon Society magazine? A veterinarian guide? I bet that's it! Alicia, a practicing vegan, probably thought she was reading a guide for vegetarians when she picked up the latest issue of “Veterinary Practice News.”

Or maybe we should feel sorry for Alicia. Perhaps her residuals from “Clueless” finally ran out and she is unable to pay her electric bill to power up the blender for little Bear Blu's food.

What happens when she goes out to dinner with the kid is what I'd like to know. Will he only “attack” mommy's mouth, or is any filled pie-hole worthy of sucking the nutrition out of?

File under YUCK of the Day...

Country Duo “The Line” Gets The Ax From “The Voice”

I typically enjoy NBC's “The Voice” reality singing competition. It differs from “American Idol” in a few ways, most notably that none of the contestants are purposely shown because they are awful, and none of the judges/mentors are able to see any of those auditioning – they can only hear their voices initially as the singers try and perform their way onto one of the mentors' teams. Mentors include Cee Lo Green, Christina Aguilera, Blake Shelton and Adam Levine. Sometimes only one mentor will turn their chair around claiming a contestant for their own and other times, all four may be impressed enough to turn their chairs and try and get a particular singer on their team.

The judges/team mentors are allowed to choose 12 singers initially (with duos counting as one choice) and downright begging often ensues for the more popular singers to choose one mentor over the others. Promises are made by all of the judges to those singers that they will be taken to the end of the competition, given every bit of help needed, really, quite a lot of schmoozing that the younger singers, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, fully believe.

This is where things get ugly.

You see, each mentor can really only go into the actual competition with six team members and the process to narrow the field are the preliminary “Battle Rounds” that pit one team member against another, singing together on stage for the right to remain on their respective mentor's team. Sometimes the process was fair – country singer vs. country singer, rock-n-roller against rock-n-roller, but more often than not, the competition was heavily skewed in favor of one contestant over the other to the point that all the favored of the two contestants had to do was show up and breathe, and he or she was in, while the other was forced to sing six octaves out of range or in a genre that just happened to be the specialty of their opponent.

I understand the mentors need to have the best people on their teams, but it was difficult watching last night's final battle rounds, when some pairings were so obviously in favor of one contestant over another. So much for the promises. The mentors all act like the decisions are so difficult, but I think they fear being called out more than anything and I believe that was very close to happening last night when male and female country singing duo, “The Line” was put up against the show's first singing/rapping MC and given a Rolling Stones song to perform. Contestants work together to divide the song up into different parts with the help of their mentors. “The Line” walked away with almost all chorus, while the MC got to belt out the song in his style, adding in some rap (which yes, was very good, in fact, it was the only good part of the whole hot mess they presented on stage) and couldn't help but to win the battle when the country duo ended up looking like a couple of Lawrence Welk background singers. I'm not a huge country music fan (sorry, Blake Shelton) and my preference from the start would have been to choose the MC, but I was not a fan of the obvious favoritism and neither was Hailey, the female half of “The Line” who refused to comment after the heart-breaking defeat. Typically, the losing contestants are put on the spot and forced to say a few words and all inevitably thank their mentor for the "opportunity," but my guess is that Hailey wasn't exactly feeling all too thankful for the opportunity Christina Aguilera gave her to look like an idiot on stage.

Christina seemed to think the whole performance was super neato-peachy keen and then, when the other mentors chimed in saying that despite the beyond odd song choice, “The Line” possessed the singing ability that Moses, the MC didn't, and would be their choice in Christina's position. Christina, in that horrendous hat that must have had her channeling beings from outer space, then declared that sometimes “The Voice” really wasn't about singing. Um...okay, what did I miss? You call the show “The Voice,” the mentors have nothing but a voice to base their initial decisions on, but now it isn't about singing or voices at all?

Christina, please, I implore you, take off that ridiculous hat! It seems to be blocking intelligent thought from entering your cranium.

Ridiculous Battle Rages Over Bully Movie Rating

How absolutely ludicrous! The Motion Picture Association of America has decided, in its infinite wisdom, to give the documentary, “Bully,” an R rating which will prohibit the very kids who need to see this film from setting foot inside the theater without their mom or dad plastered to their side.

Originally given a PG rating in America, with a strong warning about the language, the MPAA has changed its mind and determined that the film, that follows the lives of a handful of young adults over the course of a year as they were bullied, contained too much bad language and had to be rated R. “Bad language” being much of what is typically spoken and heard in every American home in the country and the same exact “bad language” the bullies employed the use of in their systematic torture of their victims.

Crazily enough, the bullies featured in the film, who all happily consented to appear, and used the “bad language,” will not be able to see the movie without escort from a parent or guardian. We wouldn't want the little thugs to actually hear the words that come out of their own mouths, you know!

Teens in Canada will have no problem seeing “Bully.” Their Consumer Protection Board, that oversees film ratings in each province, gave the film a PG rating. And since there is no PG-13 designation used in Canada, would not the next most logical rating there have been an R IF the film were that objectionable? Of course it would have, IF “Bully” were as disturbing as the MPAA and the Parents Television Council would have you believe.

“Bully” should be required viewing for those in the 13 and above crowd. The language may be coarse, but it is real and it is what victims of bullying are subjected to on a daily basis.

Please take a moment and sign the petition imploring the MPAA to give the film a PG-13 rating instead of an R: http://www.change.org/petitions/mpaa-don-t-let-the-bullies-win-give-bully-a-pg-13-instead-of-an-r-rating

Bobby Brown Arrested Again...Is That Really Any Surprise?

Taking bets now that Bobby Brown will soon be making an appearance on Dr. Drew's “Celebrity Rehab” show. I actually wish he would, and I really wish that it would help. The only time I have seen even a glimmer of the “real” Bobby Brown was when he wasn't drinking (as much) or under the influence of some other mind-bending concoction of weed, cocaine, crack and heroin. And while he has managed to put the drugs aside, having been an alcoholic from early adolescence on, he just can't seem to get that completely under control.

Bobby's “My Prerogative” was a hit with the freshman crowd while I was a junior in college. Catchy, and admittedly, quite danceable, but until I caught Bobby on a few episodes of his ill-fated reality show, “Being Bobby Brown,” I just could not put a face to the song. The train wreck that was “Being” held my interest long enough for me to perfect my one-word Whitney Houston impersonation of “BAH-BE,” that is still requested within my circle of friends and family.

Would Bobby be more apt to get help if it furthered his celebrity? I met him a couple of years ago as he came off his stint on “Celebrity Fit Club.” He was friendly, affable and enjoyable, and more sober than he had been in a good amount of time. He was proud of his accomplishments on the show, almost beaming like a child as he showed off his weight loss. But it seemed that pride would be short-lived as he returned to his normal life, the constant kudos turning to the chronic accusations that it was all his fault that Whitney turned into the mess she had, even years after the dissolution of their marriage.

Hard to get past the legacy claiming that you were personally responsible for the death of America's favorite singing crackhead.